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November 27, 2011

Can't Wait


To be relieved and discard the mask of pain I have been wearing for the most of my life. Today, I look for physical relief. 15 years of Chronic Pain from one source or another is wearing me down.

Even pain brings blessings and I have to continue to remind myself of how many and by whom have occurred to me over the years.

I went for another visit with my Chiro today and he has begun a series of exercises for me to do at home. It has become evident to me that whatever is currently going on my body and causing so much discomfort will take time to heal. 3 visits a week.

I was becoming concerned as to how I would manage to pay for all these visits on my meager income regardless of being subsidized by MSP to the limit of 10 per year.

To make a very long story short,the Universe (God) has once again blessed me by directing me to people who have a very kind and giving heart. He is gifting me with free treatments. How blessed am I? My GP provides me with my BP meds via samples so I haven't had to pay for several years.

I have never asked for assistance but these wonderful people who are in tune to the needs of others and a heart that is capable of reaching out, do so. The spirit of giving is the same as the one from the Manager of my local grocery store who every time he sees me, gives me a free bouquet of flowers. I often ask myself how many people receive these gifts or is it something unusual about me? That is not an ego statement but a question. Not because I think I am special etc. but perhaps because I am totally honest and vulnerable. People respond to someone they can empathize with. Could write a chapter on that topic and perhaps someday I will. It has been my greatest lesson. The key is letting go of the ego and being True to whom we are and discarding all the masks we have had to wear over a lifetime.

I didn't give mine up voluntarily, they were stripped off by life's circumstances. As difficult as that process has been, the end result is a great sense of freedom. The greatest gift.

~ Tutte ~

My beloved Arch

It's Saturday and along come Longings


Being widowed and getting older, doesn't change my desires. In my mind, I am still 29,39,49 and full of life, excitement and romance. With the absense of my beloved, I live with constant Longing for Him and the past. That is all part of grieving. Expect those who have been happily married share those but undoubtedly for those who haven't been as blessed as I am, have a yearning to have had a similar experience. Living is painful for everyone on one level or another.

~ Tutte ~

November 26, 2011

Multi Tasking in the Past



I have lived long enough to remember those days. Things have improved or have they?

~ Tutte ~

Music


I must despite the pain, find a way to enjoy music as I did in the past. A major passion of mine that I haven't been able to for far too long. Brings up too many painful memories and always leaves me in tears.

~ Tutte ~

A Favorite Photo


Open to any interpretation. So Simplistic and Serene IMO.

~ Tutte ~

Need for Immediate Comfort


Have been seeing the Chiropractor 3 times a week for the last two and in the process of many adjustments to my spine, I find myself in constant pain with the odd day in between that is relatively comfortable. I was forwarned that this process would be a tug of war. Sure is! Tonight I am in pain and wish I had my beloved to rub my back and shoulders and kiss all my booboos. Or had an in-house Chiro to push and pull to remove all the knots in my muscles.

~ Tutte ~